My Favorite Things

A gentleman admirer recently asked how he could pamper me.  My first thoughts were just the fact that he was thinking of me and sharing his time with me meant the world to me.  But he gently suggested he would like to do something more, something special...and encouraged me to think of ways he could make my life a gentler, more beautiful place.

How amazing is that?  So, with that in mind...

Twenty-five Days til Christmas

or

Twenty-five Ways to please your Lover (me!)

1.  Dark Chocolate and Red Wine - if you don't already know the healthful benefits of dark chocolate and red wine, as well, you should take a second look.  And since this gentleman admirer already knew of my love for chocolate, he had a box sent to me of the most artistic, delicious chocolates I've ever had.

Here's proof ~

Before I devoured one of them, I had to take a thank you picture for him.  

2.  Yoga - my yoga practice is an important part of my well-being.  Whether a single class, a month or year pass, or even attending a class with me, this gift would touch me/us in a very special way.  I'm also eager to explore a fitness class, dance lessons, swimming, or racquet ball with a fine friend.  Might that interest you as well?

3.  Are you a 'sound' nerd like I am?  At your last visit did you notice how my speakers have been aging or how I had to lug my computer around so we could enjoy the music I chose for us.  How I'd love someone to figure out a whole house system.  Or maybe even some of those Bose headphones that would be particularly exciting for one of those visits where we play with sensory overload or deprivation!

4. What woman doesn't enjoy a trip to the hair salon?  I am no longer coloring my hair and love the dark ask blonde sprinkled with my life's experiences.  I know you love my perky hairstyle, and will appreciate that perfect stylist who knows just how to make my natural hair look great.

5.  Give the Gift of Music.  My closest friends know that I support the fine arts.  There are those who are without the means to attend concerts or take music lessons.  I like being an advocate for those people and making it possible for them to enjoy all the benefits of music.  If this interests you, let's chat!

6.  Give the Gift of Warmth.  I support several charitable organizations that give travel-size toiletries, socks, gloves, hats, and coats to those in need, especially with the temperatures hitting the teens.  I would love to connect with you, if you have items to donate.  

7.  The 7th Day of December is a Sunday.  A day of rest.  God, how glorious it would be not to have to tidy up around The Manor for one week.  Dusting, vacuuming, scrubbing, etc.  An Eco-groovy (since you know I live a clean and green lifestyle) cleaning service to make The Manor shine from tip to toe would be amazing.

8.  The weather is probably biting and cold and the thought of sinking into a hot tub and enjoying a massage at The Little Red Day Spa would be simply amazing.  They even have rather enticing packages available for couples.... :) 

9.  In thinking about enticing packages for couples, I enjoy offering Couples Bliss sessions along with one of my good friends, also skilled in touch.  Two tables side by side while you and someone special receive an indulgent touch from two Goddesses of Touch.  To make this possible, I would like to add a new massage table to my collection, preferably one that will be a bit roomier.  I like supporting local businesses and have found that Zenith Supplies has all I need for my Healing Touch interests. 

10.  The 10th Day of December is Wednesday - Hump Day.   Here's a fun place to enjoy the day in a sexy way.  I like supporting the Center for Sex-Positive Culture and a renewal of my membership would be a great gift, plus I could hold your hand (or more) if you wanted to check it out too.

11.  I know how you fellows love to keep your cars buffed and shining.  I simply don't have the patience!  I would rather buff and shine you.  :)  So, if a car wash and detailing is your thing, my nice new car and I would be ever so grateful.

12.  The 12th Day of December is a good friend's birthday and he LOVES being tied up.  I LOVE tying men up, but you already knew that.  Look at this green rope from Twisted Monk (the best hemp bondage rope supplier).  I could truss you up like a Christmas Tree....evil smile.

13.  Let's attend a Seattle Symphony Concert together, or perhaps you'd like to gift a season subscription, or a single concert.  Yo Yo Ma will be playing in Seattle on May 3rd?!  What a dream it would be for me to hear him in person.   A cello is one of the few instruments missing from my music room.  Maybe if I had one, I could be as good as Yo Yo. 

14.   Did you know I love to cook?  A good chef's knife would make prep work a breeze.  I'm told that this one fits in a smaller hand more easily, but then I discovered this one with an artsy look. Choices!

15.  More kitchen cravings -  I cannot help but drool when I see these, and I have been lusting after one since I was a teen.  True story!

16.  With continued thoughts of health and wellness an acupuncture appointment always makes a difference in my well-being.  Perhaps the idea frightens you.  If *I* can handle the needles, then surely you can.  If you'd like to explore this idea, we could enjoy a Happy Hour appointment together!

17.  One of my keen interests is in giving kinky massages.  Though I have my own style and expertise, I have always wanted to take the Bondassage Training and Elysium Training by Jaeleen Bennis and have felt that this is an unattainable goal.  You might be in store for a life-time of kinky massages should you make this dream come true.

18.  My studies of tantra have been far-reaching, but another dream of mine is the Urban Tantra Professional Training Program with Barbara Carrellas.  There are no words to express the depth of this work in my eyes.  

19.  It's the last Friday before Christmas.  I'd rather be enjoying a bit of jazz than shopping.  This is THE place to go and a lot of fun to experience with someone special.  You just won't be able to stop smiling if we go together.  Or if a private jazz concert is to your liking, a gift certificate for sheet music at a local music store would inspire me to learn your favorite piece.

20.  I do not often indulge, for my feet are so ticklish, but I love have my feet pampered and always wear toe rings and pretty polish.  Toe rings are always adjustable, so the size won't matter, and this is my favorite spot for a pedi/mani.

21.  The Longest Night of the Year is this day.  Wouldn't it be nice to share it with the twinkling of many lights, perhaps escaping to Leavenworth for the final night of the tree lighting?  I have never experienced Leavenworth, but you and I could!  Candles could be a good substitute for this evening and a promise of a getaway trip planned for the future.

22.  Sometimes I feel like a real dinosaur when it comes to techie types of things.  The one gadget I use every day, all day (it seems), and is my number one necessity is my computer.  Mine is rather old and so low on memory that it is limited in its functionality.  Replacing it would be a godsend!  

23.  Sometimes it's just gifts of little acts of service that can bring a grateful smile to someone's face.  Raking leaves, mowing the lawn, trimming the trees, or a multitude of other 'handy man' types of things are so appreciated.

24.  I've been neglectful of all those dainty, feminine things that I love to wear...lingerie, bracelets, scarves, dresses, shoes, fine stockings, earrings, silky things, velvety things, leather, cashmere.  All those sensuous things that make you want to touch, or exclaim "how beautiful".  

25.  Donate a Christmas Tree and Holiday Dinner to someone without, or if you wish for me to be a recipient, I prefer plants that are potted from this garden store and a lovely meal at Lark!

The stove is not the only thing heating up my kitchen!

Why not step in and....

...how would you finish that sentence?

Here is a good suggestion on how we COULD finish that sentence.

Here's hoping your holiday cooking is as explosive as mine!

~ HAPPY THANKSGIVING ~

Why It Is Wise to Worship A Woman

I found this article so remarkably perfect, that I felt I must post it here:

The article in its entirety may be found here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arjuna-ardagh/goddess-worship_b_660896.html?

A few days ago, after a particularly exquisite evening with my wife Chameli, I put this post up on Facebook before going to bed:

"I have had many, many great teachers in my life. A super abundance. No one and nothing comes close to the woman who is now asleep in the bedroom. My marriage has become the guru, the salvation, the muse, the crack through which the divine shines through." 

When I woke up the next morning, there were the usual offerings of people who liked the post as well as comments. One man had the vulnerability and courage to post this on facebook: 

"Thank you Arjuna for this sharing, I feel like [I'm] in front of a choice which is between feeling envious of what you have and I don't, or instead to decide that 'I want that too,' and, as you show, it is possible..." 
I was touched. 

Over the next days, I got several more messages like this from men: vulnerable men, honest men, rare and courageous men. They came in as private messages on Facebook or through our website, and they all said basically the same thing: "I read your Facebook post. I want what you have. Show me how to get it." So, friends, here it is. The short guide on how to worship a woman, and why it's the wisest thing that a man can do. First of all, lets pop a few very understandable doubts that you might have. I'm familiar with all of them. 

1. "I'm wounded and damaged in my relationships to the feminine."
So am I, dear brother, so am I. My parents divorced in a messy way when I was four. I grew up alone with my mother. She did her very best to provide for me, but she was unhappy and insecure. By the time I started to have relationships with women myself in my early teens, I discovered that I had a mountain of resentments, fears, and separation in my relation to the feminine. The conscious practice of worship can become a part of healing the wounds. 

2. "Arjuna, you're lucky. You've got an incredible partner. I'm together with a woman who's not like Chameli." 

I really don't have the ultimate answer to that doubt or question. It certainly could seem to be the case that I've been lucky in finding a great woman, but here's how it happened for me. I've had a lot of less lucky connections in my life. I've experienced my share of the manipulative side of the feminine: the victim, the rageful, the vengeful. And I have seen the ugly side of the masculine psyche in myself. A few weeks prior to meeting Chameli, my wife, something deep and profound shifted in me, which I believe can shift for anyone in the same way. 

3. "I don't have a partner at all, and I sometimes doubt if I'll ever meet anybody."
Being with a partner where worship is not flowing, or not being with a partner at all, are basically two aspects of the same situation: you've had an intuition or a glimpse of the possibilities of a deeper love, and you want more of it. The solutions are the same. 

4. "I feel my heart is closed down. I live in my head a lot, and I wouldn't even know what worship was if it broke into my house at 2 o'clock in the morning and held me at gunpoint."
That's where the whole thing starts for all of us, when we realize that we don't yet know how to love. And that's that the big question that you have to consider: "Is that okay with me?" Never mind how much money you make, or how many friends you have on Facebook, no matter how nice a house you live in, or no matter how big a car you drive, no matter how impressive your partner's bust size, or how much you meditate and become spiritual... have you loved for real, in a total and undefended way? If not, and here's where you have to be honest with yourself, is that OK with you? Is it OK to die one day without the heart's gift having been fully given? 

Eight or nine years ago, I came to that question in myself, exactly that, and I discovered that the answer was, if I was was raw and vulnerable and uncomplicated, that it was actually not OK. If I died one day without having fully loved, it would not have truly been a life well lived. 

Many many years ago, I went to Bali for a vacation, on my own. I met up with some other young travelers there and we hired a Jeep to take us on a tour of the island. We drove up right to the highest point of the island, where Tourists don't usually go. Our guide took us to one of the most sacred temples. It was surrounded by a big brick wall with an ornate entrance. After removing our shoes and wrapping scarves around our heads, we stepped together through this entrance. Inside, there was a short courtyard and then another brick wall with another entrance. After more preparations of lighting incense and giving offerings, we stepped through the second entrance. We were allowed to go through the opening in one more wall, but that was it. All together there were ten walls around the deity in the middle. Hindus could go beyond the fourth wall. Devotees of that particular deity could go beyond the fifth wall, and so it went on. The only people allowed to approach the deity directly were those who had given their lives completely and totally to its worship. Everyone else could come a little closer, a little closer, to the innermost beauty, but not all the way to the center. 

I'm not a big believer of the worship of statues, but there's a beautiful symbolism to what I saw there, because a woman's heart is just like that. At the essence of every woman's heart is the divine feminine. It contains everything that has ever been beautiful, or lovely, or inspiring, in any woman, anywhere, at any time. The very essence of every woman's heart is the peak of wisdom, the peak of inspiration, the peak of sexual desirability, the peak of soothing, healing love. The peak of everything. But it's protected, for good reason, by a series of concentric walls. To move inwardly from one wall to the next requires that you intensify your capacity to devotion, and as you do so, you are rewarded with Grace. This is not something you can negotiate verbally with a woman. She doesn't even know consciously how to open those gates herself. They are opened magically and invisibly by the keys of worship. 

If you stand on the outside of the outermost wall, all you have available to you, like many other unfortunate men, is pornography. For $1.99 a minute, you can see her breasts, maybe her vagina, and you can stimulate yourself in a sad longing for deeper love. 

Step through another gate, and she will show you her outer gift-wrapping. She'll look at you with a certain twinkle in her eye. She'll answer your questions coyly. She'll give you just the faintest hint that there is more available. 

Step through another gate with your commitment, with your attention, with the small seedlings of devotion, and she'll open her heart to you more. She'll share with you her insecurities, the way that she's been hurt, her deepest longings. Some men will back away at this point. They realize that the price they must pay to go deeper is more than they are willing to give. They start to feel a responsibility. But for those few who step though another gate, they come to discover her loyalty, her willingness to stick with you no matter what, her willingness to raise your children, stick up for you in conversation, and, if you are lucky, even pick up your dirty socks now and then. And so it goes on. You've got the gist by now. 

Somewhere around the second wall from the center, she casts the veils of her personality aside, and shows you that she is both a human being and also a portal into something much greater than that. She shows you a wrath that is not hers, but all women's. She shows you a patience that is also universal. She shows you her wisdom. At this point you start to experience the archetypes of women, who have been portrayed as goddesses and mythological figures in every tradition. 

Then, at the very center, in the innermost temple itself, all the layers of your devotion are flooded with reward all at once. You discover the very essence of the feminine, and in a strange way that is not exactly romantic, but profoundly sacred all the same, you realize that you could have got here with any woman if you had just been willing to pass through all the layers of initiation. Any woman is every woman, and every woman is any woman at the same time. When you love a woman completely, at the very essence of her being, this is the one divine feminine flame. It is what has made every woman in history beautiful. It's the flame behind the Mona Lisa, and Dante's Beatrice, and yes, also Penelope Cruz and Heidi Klum. You discover the magic ingredient which has lead every man to fall in love with a woman. 

When you learn how to pay attention to the essence of the feminine in this way, you fall to the floor in full body prostration, tears soaking your cheeks and clothes, and you wonder how you could have ever taken Her, in all of Her forms, for granted even for a second. 

So just a couple small questions remain. First, do you get what I'm talking about? Does it jive for you? Does it make sense? And second, if yes, how are you going to get from where you are now to being able to the full capacity of your heart to love for real? I'd be glad to share more about this if we get to know each other better, but here's how you get started. 

First, do what I did, and create an altar in your room dedicated to Divine Feminine. Put only symbols of the feminine on it. I have a painting called "Beatrix" by Dante Gabriel Rossetti. I have a statue of Quan Kin. Populate your altar with anything that reminds you of the feminine, and spend a few minutes of the day in worship. Yes, worship. Adoration. Devotion. Offer up rose petals. Offer poems. Offer everything, and beg Her to reveal Her innermost essence to you. This will work miracles whether you're single and waiting to meet the right woman or whether you're already in relationship and long to meet your woman in a deeper way. 

The second way to get started: make a practice, a discipline, of telling your woman, or any woman, ten times a day something which you adore about her. "I love the smell of your shampoo." "I love the way you laugh." "The color of your eyes is so beautiful." Of course, you need to keep it appropriate. You can go as far out on a limb as you like if you're in relationship with a woman, but with anyone else remember the gates. Keep you communication appropriate to the gate number that you find yourself at. Appreciation the curve of a woman's breast, for example, if she happens to be the cashier at the supermarket, would equate more to harassment than worship. So here's enough to get started. Of course, there's a lot more we can say about this. Feel free to post your comments below, and I'll use them as the foundation for future blogs. 

*** 

I will comment as a vulnerable women, an honest woman, and a rare and courageous woman, that some great women (like myself) seek a great man who can think like this.

(my Divine Feminine)

It is true.  I will repeat a portion on the author's writing for it touches me on such a profound level, that it surprises even me.  "At the essence of every woman's heart is the divine feminine. It contains everything that has ever been beautiful, or lovely, or inspiring, in any woman, anywhere, at any time. The very essence of every woman's heart is the peak of wisdom, the peak of inspiration, the peak of sexual desirability, the peak of soothing, healing love. The peak of everything. But it's protected, for good reason, by a series of concentric walls. To move inwardly from one wall to the next requires that you intensify your capacity to devotion, and as you do so, you are rewarded with Grace. This is not something you can negotiate verbally with a woman. She doesn't even know consciously how to open those gates herself. They are opened magically and invisibly by the keys of worship."

Kinky Boots

So, my gentleman friend tells me he is coming to town to see Kinky Boots.  I told him he could come by and see my kinky boots.

Like these...

Or maybe these...

Though I'm a bit partial to these red ones...

And you know I can't resist a bit of bondage with a sexy pair of boots...

But I knew that he was going to see the musical, which I hear has a great score by Cyndi Lauper.  I'm told it is an emotional button-pusher about finding your passion, overcoming prejudice, and transcending stereotypes.  Hmm, button-pusher - check, finding your passion - check, overcoming prejudice - check, transcending stereotypes - check.  Sounds like me in a nutshell!

I'm going to have to make a point of seeing this show, but I knew he would not be able to include me, at least this time, on one his few opportunities to get to Seattle.  So, I invited him to take a peek at these boot selections and pick out his favorite for our next steamy visit.   I'll make sure give him the whole picture, so to speak. Which ones would you pick?

From the musical:  "The sex is in the heel, so just embrace it."

A round robin of thanks, plus an erotic story/role-play extraordinaire with the Professor and Grad Student

I always like to thank my playmates for taking the time out of their busy schedules to unwind with me.  And indulging in so many pleasurable activities with me too!  But here is a reply to a thanks I sent my gentleman friend:

You are going to thank ME???  Are you crazy?  It ain't me that deserves thanks.

That was incredible - I am still quivering.

If heaven is as good as the pleasure you provide, then sign me up and I promise to do whatever it takes to get there.

Thank you so much - I know you like the role-play where you are portraying a character, but the real You really is an amazing person.  I hope you know how special you are.

I am so glad I met you.

Now, you must understand, this is a playmate who has a brilliant mind for creating role-play scenes extraordinaire.  Our most recent scene included a codgy old professor who believed that mind over matter prevailed over anything.  I played a determined grad student convinced that outside influence can overwhelm even the strongest of human minds.  Here is how it unfolded:

I am an eager-to-please grad student in the psychology department of Yale University (known for its stuffy thinking that does not acknowledge new realities).

He will play a stuffy old professor, head of the department, who thinks he knows everything and no new theory can change his mind about anything.

After all my studies, I am convinced that there are firm limits to the ability of the human mind to control its own reactions.  I am convinced that even the best of us is not as strong as he/she appears, and that outside influence can overwhelm even the strongest of human minds.

After decades of self-congratulation for being oh so smart and capable, the old professor is completely entrenched in his own contention that if you have a highly capable mind, you have the power to control everything about your environment, including any reaction to outside stimuli.  Given a strong enough mind, he completely believes in mind over matter, that the strong mind can resist any outside influence.  His entire career in psychology is based on acceptance of this thesis.

Naturally there is friction between myself and the professor.  Despite his outward dismissal of my work, he has actually paid serious attention to my studies because they challenge his beliefs.  He wishes to regard me as merely a foolish student daring to challenge his decades of wisdom, but secretly he is terrified that I am correct.  Since he regards my ideas as so obviously silly (but ominously threatening to his career), he has no intention of allowing me to graduate and have a career.

And so I challenge him to submit to an experiment.  What the experiment is, I will not say.  But I have invited him to my home and say that I will prove to him that even the strongest of human minds will fail in the face of overwhelming stimuli, and I will prove this in such a convincing manner that he will be forced to repudiate the thesis that has defined his entire career.

His arrogance compels him to comply and submit to my experiment.  He cannot believe that a mere student could possibly disprove any of his cherished concepts.

For my part, I see past his stodgy arrogance, - even though just a grad student, I see the desires within him and how he cannot control them despite his public statements.  I see his vulnerability even when he does not.

The experiment is very simple - I will provide stimulation and if his mind is truly capable, he will be able resist his arousal and prove me a fool.  Being a mere grad student, even though I disagree with my Department Head, I am still in awe of him, and I realize that I must deliver stimulation so off-the-charts that even his remarkable mind will not be able to resist.  But I accept the challenge - I believe in myself and what I have learned about human behavior.  I know I must drive him so crazy with desire that he has no choice but to agree with my thesis that the human mind is forever flawed and victim to whatever outside stimuli are strong enough to overwhelm it.

Who do you think proved to be correct?